Bulimia Stories - Hiding My Binge Eating Problem

In the hope that sharing my bulimia stories will kick start recovery for someone with this addiction I will share my insights into the life of someone with a binge eating problem. This is meant to shed light on the addiction so those suffering will see the insanity of it and perhaps find their motivation to take steps to get help.

How it started

My struggle with bulimia started at the age of 14 when I read about Olympic athletes who were binging and purging to stay in shape and eat what they enjoyed. As an athlete myself I thought this sounded like a good idea because I certainly could never see starving to stay thin like an anorexic.

Like a lot of bulimia stories, I seemed more or less normal during the day and ate regular meals three times a day. For me, I was binging and purging after school in my parent’s house but did a pretty good job of hiding it from them. If my mother looked in on me, I’d quickly move to hide any evidence or just make something up about not having lunch or having a big workout at school that day.

Bulimia and high school

In a lot of bulimia stories you find type-A personalities. A lot of bulimics are perfectionists and people pleasers. Outwardly they are highly effective, attractive and seemingly successful while working very hard to keep their eating disorder a secret.

In high school no one knew I had bulimia. I was the quintessential successful student. I was fit and healthy looking, captain of the volleyball team and Senior Class President. I did a great job of hiding any signs of bulimia from those closest to me.

College and compulsive overeating

When I went away to college I moved in with roommates my own age for the first time. If I could find ways to hide the overeating and purging, I would. College actually was good for me in cutting back the amount of times I was binging and purging. My low self-esteem continued to be a problem and lead to harmful behaviors like shoplifting and promiscuity.

Bulimia takes over

Getting out of college and living on my own was a tough transition for me. I became quite depressed at not having the friends I did in school and the loneliness and isolation lead to more and more overeating. My early to mid-20′s were probably the peak of my bulimia years. I was purging up to 10 times a day and started to develop physical symptoms like ulcers, tooth erosion and hair loss.

Bulimia became a friend and companion I couldn’t live without. I had several serious relationships while I was in the midst of bulimia, but they didn’t stand a chance because my marriage to my eating disorder (ED) was stronger than any relationship could overcome.

Bulimia stories are all about secrecy and about wanting to keep your shame and sadness to yourself. It’s easier to hide the problems so there are no awkward questions to answer, no need to make any changes and no need to give up your emotional crutch.

Finally overcoming bulimia was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. My 20-year road to recovery is my own and while I would not change a single day because it made me the person I am today, I would not wish this on anyone. I do sometimes wish I had been stronger sooner and had sought treatment for bulimia when I was younger. The temporary high bulimia gave me was nothing compared to the joy and happiness I now experience daily in recovery. I found happiness through learning to love myself and know food does not hold the key to my joy.

Bulimia Stories - Hiding My Binge Eating Problem